


Waking Nightmares

by Loudest_Voice



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Gore, Insomnia, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Stress Relief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-04
Updated: 2012-05-04
Packaged: 2017-11-04 19:20:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/397304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loudest_Voice/pseuds/Loudest_Voice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Itachi has been ANBU Commander for a year and he's handling the stress just <i>fine.</i> Yes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waking Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dragonmage27](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonmage27/gifts).



> . . . Who asked how Itachi got together with that douchebag original character. 
> 
> Set a year before the beginning of The Traitor and the Nine Tails.

Itachi is playing _Go_  with Shisui. Shisui is winning. It's surprising, especially since Shisui never managed to win when he was alive. "I was good at this game before I met you, you know," he used to say when Itachi covered the board with black stones. Itachi's not covering the board with black stones now.

Shisui's bloated fingers slide grimy white pieces all over the board, dripping bloody water on all the squares. "Fuck, Itachi," he says despite the fact that his tongue is so bloated that it's hanging out of his mouth like a fat earthworm, "I wouldn't have _died_ for you if I'd known you were going to turn stupid on me."

"I just need to _sleep_ ," Itachi says and his voice sounds like a whine.

"You _are_ sleeping," says Shisui. "You _shouldn't_ be. Wake up."

And Itachi does. His eyelids slide open like Shisui's the one controlling them. At least his heart rate is normal and his breathing pattern even. He decides those are good signs even though his eyes feel too large for their sockets. The digital clock on the dresser in front of his bed tells him it's 2:35 AM. He went to bed at 1:00 AM and must be at ANBU Headquarters at 6:00 AM. The spirits only know when his shift will be over so he takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and wills himself to go back to sleep. After what feels like hours, he opens his eyes again.

The clock tells him it's 2:43 AM. With apprehension, Itachi calculates how much he's slept in the last five days and comes up with about twelve hours. He's glad Kakashi's off guarding a rich merchant who thinks having the great Copy Ninja among his retainers enhances his image. At least with Kakashi gone he won't have put up with pointed comments about his temper. 

Allowing himself a small sigh, Itachi slides out of bed and begins to clean his house. He makes his bed, readies his dirty clothes for laundry, organizes his food supplies, takes inventory of his shuriken reserves, makes a mental list of what he needs to buy next time he visits the grocery, and rearranges his furniture. When he returns to his bedroom, the clock tells him it's 3:20 AM. There are strings trying to suck his tired eyes into his skull. He climbs back into bed, closes his eyes, and begins tossing and turning for what feel like a lifetime. Next time he gives up and looks at his clock, it's 4:15 AM. If he starts getting ready for work now he won't be _too_ early.

His mind--which had been feeling sluggish the previous second--provides him with several reasons to skip work _instantly_. He's accumulated weeks of vacation time. He's ahead on his paperwork. It would be a great way to test ANBU's efficiency levels. Hawk is perfectly capable of handling any urgent missions for a couple of days. He's stressed and--

He can handle it. Resolutely, he gets out of bed and starts getting ready. Even though he takes the time to actually brush his hair, he still looks terrible. The birthmarks under his eyes he loathes so much are practically hidden by swollen blue bags. He wants to sleep so badly he actually considers banging his head against a wall until he passes out.

It's a stupid thought. He shakes his head and starts in his way to work.

There are no missions he must see to personally that day. A small blessing, all things considered. He sits behind the Commander's ( _his_ ) desk reviewing the patrolling schedule for the next three months while ANBU captains wonder in and out to report, make requests, and complain. Even though everyone has stopped calling ANBU a "temporary" police force, no one wants to actually do any police _work_. The chunin complain because civilians apparently believe that _they're_ the ones in charge of dealing with petty criminals. It's not surprising since ANBU remains a near mythical force among non-shinobi. And some shinobi as well. ANBU captains complain because they consider dealing with petty _civilian_ criminals _beneath_ them. Itachi hates them.

"You look like a fucking ghost right now," Shisui says and Itachi's gazes flies towards the middle-aged captain asking him to take him out of patrolling duty. Shisui's leaning his elbows on the Commander's desk and his empty eye sockets are bleeding all over Itachi's scrolls. There are wet leaves sticking to his dark hair and greyish skin.

For the first time in years, Itachi's heart skips a beat in what can only be described as _terror._

"Commander, are you all right?" asks Antelope, narrowing his hazel eyes.

_No._

"Yes," says Itachi before rising to his feet. "Your request for alternative duties is denied." He walks out of the office before Antelope can formulate another complaint and searches for Hawk's blank white eyes. "You're in charge for the next two hours," he says as he passes by the man's desk.

 _It wasn't a hallucination,_ he tells himself when he's walking through Konoha's busy streets. _You fell asleep at your desk. It was a waking nightmare._

 __He wonders into Konoha's main library and settles by the shelf with all the scrolls on sleeping disorders. The first scroll about insomnia he finds tells him nothing new.

Causes: stress, depression, anxiety, pain, nightmares.

Secondary symptoms: Irritability. Slowed reflexes. Decreased strength. Decreased cognitive capabilities. Tiredness. Odd bouts of psychosomatic pain. Odd changes in appetite. Decreased motivation. Hopelessness. Paranoia. Occasional self-injurious urges.     

In extreme cases, general psychosis and hallucinations.

Someone's crossed out the list and written a rather succint summary on the scroll's edge. _Gist: insomnia fucks you up like cancer of the mind._

With a tiny smile, Itachi focus on management techniques. They are not as amusing. Meditation (that's how he passes most of his nights now). Exercise (he's a _ninja;_ he _already_ exercises). Teas (that one's just dumb). Resisting the urge to nap during the day (that's the the only thing keeping him sane . . . for the most part). Being organized (Itachi is as organized as the world allows him to be). Spending time with family (that one's _hysterical)._

 __Sex.

Maybe that would do the trick. The same person who crossed out the list of secondary symptoms has pointed an arrow to the word and opined that _this is the only thing on this shitty list that works. _

 __Sometimes, when they think he's not listening, people make comments about how attractive that Uchiha traitor has grown. Itachi looks at his face every day and has noticed no changes but people certainly mutter worse things about him under their breath. Until now, he's paid the comments no mind. He thinks about them for a moment and decides that it shouldn't be too difficult to find someone willing to have sex with him.

After returning from work late that night, he showers and looks at his reflection. His face is nothing special under most circumstances and the dark bags under his tired, bloodshot black eyes are not flattering. Hopefully his bangs will distract people from them.

By the time he gets to the bar, the place stinks of smoke and alchohol. He's glad he wore boots instead of sandals every time he steps on something sticky as he cuts through the dance floor. The crowded area rankles his already frayed nerves so he settles by a secluded table at a poorly lit corner. Nevertheless, the spot has an excellent vantage point so Itachi takes out the water canteen he brought with him. 

Maybe the bangs do hide his eyes because he certainly has no trouble attracting attention to himself that night. Unfortunately, everyone who wanders to his table is too drunk to be in any way attractive. Itachi worries some of them might throw up on him in the middle of the . . . proceedings so he shakes his head and glares until they lose interest. His head pulses with pain and he wonders if he could lay his head on the table for a few minutes. Not a good idea in a place so crowded. After having to turn away a girl so drunk she can barely stand, Itachi decides to escape to the bathroom for a little while. He's washing his hands and thinking that the bar was a stupid idea when he feels someone walk up behind him and reach for his hair.

Itachi pictures a kunai slicing between the back of his neck and grabs at the offending hand, _twisting_ like he's in the middle of a dangerous mission. 

A brown haired man stares at him with wide eyes for a few seconds before letting out a pained scream.

" _Hitoshi!_ " someone yells and Itachi realizes that he didn't take stock of everyone in the bathroom when he walked in. Or kept an eye out for anyone coming in. Not good.

"Let _go,"_ the other guy orders, wisely keeping his hands to himself. Itachi blinks and lets the wrist he's still holding go free.

The brown haired guy whimpers and brings his hand to his chest, palm facing towards an unnatural angle. "I thought he was a girl," he tells his friend, looking at Itachi with wide, frightened eyes.

 _Stupid,_ Itachi thinks before walking out and making his way out of the bar. 

That night, he dreams that he's back at the Naka River. Shisui is there, healthy and strong as he was during Itachi's thirteenth birthday. He tells Itachi about the clan's plan to rebel against Hokage-sama and the Council, smiling the entire time. "You have to stop them," he says, grabbing Itachi's nose like he did that time The Fourth brought Itachi back home after being lost in the forest for days. "They'll hate you for it. The clan, Konoha, ANBU, _everyone_ will turn their backs on you and look away when you pass by. But it's the only way."

 _Your left eye should be missing,_ Itachi thinks before nodding and pushing down on Shisui's shoulders. The sun shining down on them is red and does little to illuminate anything beyond the river. 

It's different that time. When Itachi pushes Shisui's smiling face under the water, it's _his_ ears that fill with cold water. _His_ lips that have to lock shut so he doesn't have to drink rotting leaves and softened roots. It's _him_ who has to hold his breath. _His_ lungs start screaming for air but he c _an't_ let Shisui come back up. He made a _promise._

 __Itachi wakes up at the same time he tries to breathe in water. His heart is beating so fast he worries that it's about to explode. A fist is squeezing his stomach. Short gasps of air are loudly escaping from his mouth. Deliberately, he takes a deep calming breath, uncurls from the fetal position he's twisted in, and loosens his fists. He's used to nightmares. They do not affect him anymore.

The clock tells him it's 2:31 AM. He went to sleep at 1:00 AM.

Reluctantly, Itachi considers masturbation. His hand slides down his belly and fiddles with the waistband of his pyjamas. When was the last time he did it? Hell, when was the last time he so much as had an erection? It hardly matters. With a sigh, he dips his hand under his waistband and tries to remember the motions. There was a time, during the early years of puberty, when Itachi could have given himself an orgasm in _minutes_. Now he's having trouble becoming aroused.

He tries to remember what he used to imagine before . . . Breasts? Legs? Abs? What the fuck happened to his so-called eidetic memory? All he can picture is broken bones, Shisui's bleeding eye sockets, and that brown haired guy's frightened gaze. He lets go of his penis before he manages to get himself hard. The last thing he needs is to become one of the many ninja with blood-fear fetishes so he gets out of bed and starts doing push-ups, determined to sleep even if it means he has to exhaust himself. Dimly, he thinks that he's _already_ exhausted. 

Next day, he's in the middle of mediating a dispute between two captains when he looks beyond them and sees Shisui's smirking face reflected off his window. "Shut _up,_ " he snaps, refusing to blink.

Both captains stare at him, ramrod straight, obviously waiting for him to make some kind of decision. Itachi realizes that he has no idea what the fuck they were arguing about. Shisui snorts at him. _What now, genius?_ Itachi looks down at his desk, hoping that the scroll he'd been reading will remind him of what Tiger and Cobra were whining to him about. No luck. It's just a budget report. They're running low on shuriken. 

Itachi looks up and graces his subordinates with the most supercilious expression he can muster under the circumstances. "I'm going to give you both a chance to resolve this like the experienced soldiers you supposedly are," he says, before gesturing at his door. Hopefully, he isn't dealing with the rare _serious_ captain pissing contest.

Tiger bows and starts to walk out but Cobra glares and curls his hands into fists. "We're both old enough to be your father--"

"--and I'm sure you remember what I did to my father," Itachi interrupts. It's not until after Cobra's brown eyes widen that Itachi realizes that the statement is a threat.

Before Cobra can respond, Tiger steps closer to him and lays and hand on his shoulder, bowing to Itachi stiffly. "He's-- _it's_ not worth it," he tells Cobra, ushering him out of the room.

When the door closes behind them, Itachi thinks that at least he gave them a common enemy. And Shisui's image has disappeared from the window. Kakashi would say that it could've gone worse.

And Itachi would say that was a meaningless statement since a situation could _always_ 'go worse'. He shakes his head and gets up, thinking that he needs to find a way to _rest_.

Drugs? No. Not yet. He's not ready to give up on the sex idea. He just needs to look for potential partners some place where not _everyone_ is drunk. But where? 

It's almost too coincidental when he spots a flyer for some kind of civilian matchmaking service stapled to one of the many bulletin boards lining ANBU Headquarters' hallways. _20% Discount for Our Brave Shinobi!!_ the notice tells him. Tomorrow's even his day off. He takes it as a sign that he should at least visit the place. It's not like he has any chores to complete. 

Next day, he visits _Wondering Hearts._ The small shop is ridiculously pink and there are pictures of absurdly happy couples plastered all over the walls. Their grins look like threats.

Itachi wastes two minutes assuring the beaming girl behind the counter that he is indeed at least sixteen years old. He suppresses a scowl when she brightly demands to see an ID. The only one he's carrying identifies him as ANBU Commander and he's not going to broadcast that at a matchmaking service. So what if he's still short? He's wearing his goddamned headband. That ought to be enough. "I'm a ninja," he says tiredly when the girl bubbles something about the age of consent.

The word _ninja_ makes her purple eyes widen. "Oh!" she cries. "That's great! Kids buy fake headbands all the time so . . ." she trails off and waves at his forehead. Itachi almost points out how illegal that is but he knows from experience that it doesn't stop the stupider civilians. "We've been trying to get a ninja to come for weeks," the girl continues. "We're just starting out and I'm sure you know shinobi are popular with the ladies . . . what's your rank?"

"Jonin," Itachi answers.

"That's _amazing!"_ the girl practically screams and Itachi thinks that maybe he shouldn't have come. He feels several customers' gazes on his back. "Um, please. Fill out this initial questionnaire," she hands him a pink paper and a red pen with open-mouthed grin. "Free of charge if you promise to tell all your ninja friends about our business!"

Not wanting to admit that he's wasted his time _again,_ Itachi nods and walks towards one of the empty tables before tackling the questions. He starts having trouble right after he writes down that his name is Dai and that he is sixteen.

What is his sexual orientation? Itachi stares at the question for almost two minutes, until his tired eyes have trouble differentiating between characters. He puts a checkmark next to 'Bisexual' mostly because 'Undecided' and 'Don't Know' both sound incredibly inexperienced.

He can't fathom why a potential sex partner would care about his blood type but he writes down AB anyway.

He goes on filling out equally ridiculous questions (why is his favorite _color_ important?) when he hits another roadblock. What words would his friends use to describe him?

Shisui would have called him 'serious' but Itachi has changed and Shisui wasn't alive to see it.

Sasuke--

Itachi doesn't let himself think about Sasuke anymore. He only makes sure that his brother is safe.

Kakashi would call him 'uptight'.

Itachi has no other friends so he writes that down. 'Arrogant' is a favorite among his subordinates. 'Creepy' too. He doesn't write 'creepy' down. He also omits 'traitor'.

What words would _he_ used to describe himself?

_Stubborn, angry, lonely, tired, tired, **tired** \--_

Itachi realizes he's stabbed the pen through the pink paper. Red ink pools at a point on the table, like he's pricked someone with a senbon. Slowly, he gets up, crumples the questionnaire, shoves it in his right pocket, and leaves. He's in no mood to be dealing with civilians who'll want to 'get to know him' before jumping into bed with him.

 _So drunken one-night stands are beneath you but dating is above you?_ a voice whispers in his ear. _I think you need an honest reassesment of your situation._

As he walks towards the the secret library nearest to the pink shop, he decides that he needs to find a ninja in a . . . similar situation. Or just a ninja, really. Just someone who won't expect him to be . . . normal. But who? His comrades don't exactly like him. There's Kakashi but he's _Kakashi._

 __Perhaps it's fate that Eiji is the first ninja he spots when he enters one of the innocuous "warehouses" Leaf ninja have been using to requisition paper and scrolls to seat down and write their reports. Itachi gazes at him and feels something periously close to rage simmering in his gut. He doesn't even know why. Wasp hasn't been on a mission with him for weeks.

Nevertheless, the sight of him humming to himself as he transcribes a scroll (for some reason using his knee for support even though he's at an empty table) makes Itachi want to pick a fight. He doesn't know--but he _does._ Eiji is everything Itachi is not; well-liked, tall, talented but not to the point of where he makes everyone else uncomfortable, a mere chunin, an orphan, _happy._

 __Itachi realizes he's staring when Eiji suddenly stops nodding to his mental tune and looks up.

They stare at each other for a few moments and then Eiji shrugs before starting to hum once again and looking down at his scroll. Itachi keeps staring at him until what he can still recognize as a very stupid idea blooms in his mind. Eiji is attractive enough, he supposes. And if hearsay is to be believed (he knows it isn't), Eiji has probably slept with everyone in ANBU.

After a moment of hesitation, Itachi walks forward. Since niceties need to be observed, especially when he's about to ask for a favor, Itachi tells Eiji "Good day," when he reaches the table then slides into an empty chair.

Eiji looks at him with big grey eyes, raises his dark eyebrows, and pointedly glances behind his shoulder. "I guess you really _are_ talking to me," he mumbles after making a show looking for someone else. "What can I do for you, Commander?" he asks after turning back around and putting his scroll aside. He's updating shinobi rankings to reflect the latest performance reviews. His penmanship is awful. 

Itachi decides to ignore the mocking tone. "You are sexually promiscuous," he starts.

"Wow," Eiji interjects with a slight head shake. He raises a long finger but then nods. "No, wait," he corrects himself. "You _would_ randomly walk up to me and say that." He rolls his eyes and goes back to copying down one Yugao Uzuki's new stats. Her taijutsu has improved.

"Would you like to have sex with me?" Itachi asks without preamble.

Eiji abruptly drops his pen and shoots him an incredulous glare. "How your ego hasn't collapsed in on itself and created a black hole that's killed us all is _astounding_."

"Is that no?" Itachi understands that it is indeed a 'no' but he's found that it irritates Eiji when he pretends not to grasp hyperbole or sarcasm.

"Of course it's a _no,_ you pri--" Suddenly, his narrowed grey eyes widen in shock. "You're hitting on me," he says and it sounds more like a question. Itachi opens his mouth to correct him--he's making a _proposition_ out of unfortunate _necessity_ _\--_ but Eiji looks away. "Holy shit, everyone was right. Your crazy, stuck-up self has some fucked up crush on me."

He must certainly does not. "I--"

"--have you been giving me special treatment?" Eiji demands, leaning forward to make sure his whisper reaches Itachi's ears.

"No," Itachi says quickly. For some reason, the accusation stings. He hates Eiji. It's been a trial not to let it affect his judgment.

"Oh, _really_?" Eiji says. "Then why am I the only one who gets away with the name calling and insuburdination? How come I don't have to go on civilian patrolling squads? Why do you keep including me in your personal teams?"

"You don't take the name calling too far," Itachi starts.

"I say it to your _face_!" Eiji cries. "Oh shit, I _did_ sleep my way to the top!"

"I'm not offering you a promotion," Itachi tells him. "That would be unethical."

 __"Whatever, you _freak_ ," says Eiji, leaning his elbows on the table. "No wonder everyone hates me." 

Everyone _loves_ Eiji. Itachi considers saying so but he the words get stuck in his throat. He thought he was used to people hating him but it's still painful to hear that the hate extends to those he supposedly cares for.

"This is _awful,_ " Eiji continues. 

Itachi decides that he doesn't care about clarifying himself to Eiji--he never has--and gets up.

 _"Wait,"_ Eiji snaps, reaching out for his arm to pull him back down on the table. As he settles down again, Itachi admits that anyone else (with the possible exception of Kakashi) would've gotten a broken wrist for touching him without permission. "Are you sober?"

"Yes."

"I was hoping you weren't," Eiji says with a small sigh. "That was the worst pick up line I've heard in my life."

"It wasn't--"

"'Hey, you're a whore! Would you like to fuck me?' is almost poetically bad."

 _\--a pick up line,_ Itachi had been planning to say. However, there's a more pressing matter he needs to address. "I didn't ask if you wanted to fuck me."

"Right, but if we have sex that's how it would go," Eiji says, like it's obvious.

"No."

"Please," Eiji dismisses. "I'm only fifty meters taller than you."

"Seventeen point eight _centimeters_ ," Itachi corrects, ignoring Eiji's baffled look. "And I don't see what _height_ has to do with it."  

Apparently, Eiji doesn't know what it has to do with it either because he suddenly changes tactics. "Well, you're obviously a virgin."

He is but Eiji has no way of knowing that. "I've had _targets_ ," Itachi says.

"Why am I not surprised that you can trick people into killing themselves but you can't trick them into thinking they had an orgasm?"

"I can do _both_ ," Itachi snaps.

"So you fucked your targets because you _wanted_ to, then?"

Itachi actually opens his mouth before he realizes that he's going to lose no matter _what_ he says. Eiji must know it too because his lips curl into a delighted smirk. How easily he lost that little battle of wits is just another sign of how _badly_ Itachi needs to sleep. "Do you want to have sex with me or not?"

"You know what," Eiji starts with a smile so bright it almost looks genuine, "why not? I'm pretty sure I've got a couple of pity fucks in me."

"All right, then," says Itachi, thinking that he must have known Eiji was going to be obnoxious before approaching him. "Right now would be nice."  

"I gotta tell you," Eiji says as he gathers his scrolls, "this skillful seduction is not going to work for you a second time."

"We'll see," says Itachi, rising to his feet. "My house, but you must leave _immediately_ after we're done."

"Seriously, can I blow you right now?" asks Eiji, batting his eyelashes at him. "Pretty, please?"

Itachi just smirks and gestures at him to follow. On the way back to his apartment, Itachi vaguely thinks about what he's going to do and who he's going to do it _with._ Any missgivings he might have had crumbled under the promise of maybe getting to _sleep,_ though. He's grateful that Eiji keeps his mouth shut on the way there, at least. Though he would have appreciated a little conversation after closing his apartment door but Eiji has the gall to actually _pick him up_ like he's a _child_ and really, Itachi almost kicks him out. The bastard's not even _that_ tall.

"Bed," he mumbles after Eiji moves on to his neck, gesturing towards his room.

"And _I'm_ the whore," Eiji breathes into his neck but Itachi lets it go since he starts moving that way. He closes his eyes, sighing about how amazing it's going to feel if he really gets just a _couple_ of hours of dreamless sleep out of this. The next time he opens them, he's flat on his back and Eiji is straddling his hips, grey eyes somehow brighter than usual. It takes Itachi a couple of seconds to realize there's a kunai pressed against his right carotid.

Itachi reverses their positions in the blink of an eye.

"You're so fucking stupid and, by the way, you're _not_  fucking sober right now," snaps Eiji, letting his limbs relax. "When was the last time you had four hours of uninterrupted sleep?"

"Eight days ago," Itachi answers him and he doesn't even know why.

 _Eiji's a medic,_ something in his head reminds him.

"Put that away. I was proving a point," says Eiji, slapping at the kunai. "Take off your shirt and lay face down."

"Why?" Itachi asks even as he starts complying.

"I'm going to put you to sleep, dumbass." The brown skin over Eiji's hand starts glowing blue before Itachi's head is on his pillow.

"I don't trust you," mumbles Itachi, looking at down at his digital clock. 3:20 PM.

"I think you do, Commander," says Eiji right before laying his palms over Itachi's shoulders.

Itachi expects it to hurt, like it always does whenever a medic does anything, but it feels like someone is seeping the tension right out of his muscles. If medics can make it feel so nice, than why don't they do so all the time?

Itachi closes his eyes when Eiji pushes his pontytail to the side and begins to run a hand down his spine. When he opens them again, the room is dark and Eiji is gone. The clock tells him it's 1:10 AM. Itachi feels lighter than he has in days. With a small smile, he turns over and goes right back to sleep. 


End file.
